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...wow its been a long time since I've blogged...

i don't know why i'm doing it now but I guess i was inspired just because i started to read other xangas. But anyway... i love school. Everyone knows that when it comes to school i'm a big nerd and i pretty much lose all my friends to clinicals and studying. I'm working so hard right now so that i graduate early. I don't quite know what I want to do after i graduate, but I do know I want to push myself to finish college. Why this sudden urge to finish school early? Well, I guess there's a lot of reasons as to why, but I guess the main reason is for my dad. I don't talk about this often, but when i do i tend to get a little emotional. But anyways, before my dad died, he asked only one thing of me, and that was to finish school. Knowing that both my brother and sister didn't graduate for their respective universities, i wanted to give my dad his one wish. And what sucks the most is that when that day comes when i can walk across the stage and graduate from Lewis University, i won't be able to physically share that moment with my dad. I know my dad will see me and be proud, but its just the fact of the matter. I'm still trying to deal with the fact that he's not here anymore. Its hard to know that he won't be there when i graduate, or when Hanna first learns how to walk, or even to give me away at my wedding.

 Everyday I wake up, and my home feels empty. The house is too quiet, and sometimes i wish i could turn back time even just for a moment just to see him again... I'm slowly forgetting what he smells like and the sound of his voice. Its weird sometimes i feel like i can hear him calling my name at the bottom of my stairs. But i miss a lot of things but everyday this is my struggle. I miss him so much but i never say anything cause then i'll cry... but yeah i don't know...

::one with God::

I long for that peace alone with God. My prayer now has come to be something different. My worship has grown into something no words can explain, I'm trying to let go of everything I don't need. I desire all the things God has in store for me. And now i let myself go. I want God and him alone. Pray for me, pray that I lose myself in God's perfect grace. Pray for me because this journey is going to be challenging, and I'm sure somewhere along the way I'm gunna wanna give up. Please just pray for me, as I pray for you!

::GoSox::

Oh man... crazy my team won the World Series!! It's amazing.... woo whoo... i now have bragging rights for the whole year. I'm sorry all you Cub fans, but i can say Sox rule and Cubs drool... ha ha ha i know i'm a loser and i'm rubbing it in, but hey the Sox are the world champions. YES!! Gosh its crazy, everyone who knows me knows that i'm freakishly excited and i know some are bitter... but i can understand their pain. But yay SOX. And i know all the Cubs fans are proclaiming that next year is their year, but i dont know... that's a tough one. Next season i'm all about going to the Sox/Cubs game, so if anyone else is down to go let me know. I wanna try to get good tickets and everything, so yeah all you baseball fans c'mon and watch with me. ha ha ha ... anyway that's all, i just wanted to say that the Sox rock! And also...."we are the champions, we are the champions..."

Currently Watching Gilmore Girls - The Complete First Season By Lauren Graham see related

::iloveGilmoreGirls::

Thank you Maricris for getting me the first season of Gilmore Girls, wow it's the best show ever. Its random i know, but still the show is so good. This show actually makes me laugh out loud, and i can't say that about a lot of shows. I mean everytime i watch it there's something funny or random that makes me laugh, and i love it. Also, Chad Michael Murray appears on the show as well, and wow, he's hot. I suggest everyone just watch the first episode and you'll be hooked. Its kinda like if you watch the first episode of Alias, One Tree Hill, and randomly even Dawson's Creek you'll get hooked. Wow, i think i watch too much tv. But i can't help it, i get so in to them that sometimes at night i even dream about the shows. Is that weird? For example with Alias, sometimes i'll dream that i'm actually there watching Sydney Bristow on a secret mission, or that i'm actually on that mission. Wow i'm a nerd, but still, it's so good.

Anyways, what shows do you watch? I'm sure you have a favorite show that you love or something. I don't just a random thought. Oh well i'm off to class... love you bye

::i think too much::

thank you everyone that came out for my bday... it means a lot to me. Praise the Lord for all of you... and to top it all off, the Sox won.... yay!!! That was the best present ever!

anyway, i was sitting at work today and i was thinkin about really random things, like why am i so afraid of the dark? why are fruit roll ups my happy place? or why did i say this or that? You know random things?! I'm sure everyone has their fair share of random thoughts but it was funny for me today cuz i had nothing better to do today but think about those weird things. But then again there are those times when you think about what you said or what you did, and for me it takes a long while for me to let it go. I dont know why, but i'm easily truamatized. Its so bad. I say this cuz sometimes i do say things that i shouldn't have and then i kick myself for it. I try not to look back on things but when i look ahead and i'm missing that person or people i need i drive myself crazy thinking about the things i did. Ugh.. i know it doesn't make sense but i guess i'm hurt cause i messed up and now things aren't the same. Change is good, but it's something i gotta get used to. God placed me here for a purpose and now i'm trying to work with God and figure things out. Please pray for me...i love you